The Mansion That Once Belonged To Luigi
by Beachchickrules
Summary: I thought Luigi's Mansion was an annoying game, so I just had to make fun of it. Yes, I do tease Luigi and all of the characters that were in the game, but please know that I still love them!


The Mansion That Once Belonged To Luigi

By Beachchickrules

*AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, I do make fun of Luigi here.  I know some of you really love him.  I think he's okay, so when you read this, please remember that I'm just kidding!*

The golden sun rose over the horizon, casting rays of light through the window.  The grass was dewy, fragrant, and vibrant with a rich green color.  The birds awoke and sang, illuminating the illustrious scene of dawn.

But honestly, who gives a crap?  Let's get to the point here.

As we all know, Luigi Mario received a letter stating that he had won a mansion.  Well, the gullible green-clad plumber actually believed that he had won a mansion, even though he had never entered into any licensed sweepstakes contests.  Besides, who wins those things anyway?  So, according to the instruction manual, which I still have for some reason, Luigi called his older, shorter brother and told him they would meet at his new estates.

When Luigi arrived at the mansion a million hours later, ghosts inside attacked him.  By "attacked," I mean a tiny ghost stopped three feet in front of Luigi and said quietly, "boo."

"Mario help meee!" Luigi screamed so loud that Booster from Super Mario RPG heard him and wondered if Princess Peach was singing again…...er…anyway…

Now, why would Luigi need Mario's help when, physically, he can get the job done himself?  He can even jump higher than his pudgy brother.

The answer to this question is nerves.  Luigi isn't necessarily a coward, he's just super nervous.  Once, he tried taking prescription anti-anxiety drugs, but had to quit them when he developed severe, disabling diarrhea.  Yep, disabling.  After that experience, he was too afraid to try any different types of medication.

So, as Luigi's teeth chattered so much that he developed temporomandibular joint disorder, a little geezer with one tall string of hair in the center of his otherwise bald head appeared.  The embarrassing part is, the feeble old man was the one who saved Luigi, and not the other way around, which probably would've made more sense.  But hey, it was about time for someone other than Princess Peach to need rescuing.

The little geezer, Dr. Elvin Gadd, hooked Luigi up with a vacuum and a Game Boy Horror so he could use stealth and strategy to rid the ghosts.  Oh yeah, that's MUCH better than pounding them with hammers and frying them with fire flowers.

Dr. Gadd had to give Luigi another item, one that we don't know about.  He gave Luigi a mouth guard so that the constant clenching of his teeth wouldn't make his jaws pop out and hang down uselessly.  Luigi did have to eat, ya know, but couldn't until he sucked up the ghost that was sitting at the dining room table guarding the food.

There is one damsel in distress that ended up in this game.  The little mushroom dude Toad appeared for no reason, and did absolutely nothing just like in every other game except maybe Super Mario Bros. 2.  There were no changes for his diaper in the mansion, unfortunately.  When Luigi started avoiding Toad in the lobby, Toad clones were positioned in other locations…including, no big surprise, the bathroom.

So, Luigi explored the mansion, sucking ghosts into the vacuum and collecting money that just happened to be stored in closets and furniture.  He wondered who used to live here.  Maybe Bill Gates?  C. Montgomery Burns?  Jeff Gordon?  No matter, because whoever it was left him enough money to build his own house, with, *gasp* an exquisite green sewage pipe for a chimney!

Once the ghosts started developing personalities, Luigi realized that they had once been the owners of this mansion.  At the end of the game he discovered that King Boo and his boo army had been sent to play a prank on Luigi and Mario by order of King Bowser.  The big spiky turtle must have finally grasped the fact that in order to take over the Mushroom Kingdom, he'd have to kidnap the one who usually saves everyone else.  Bowser must not have expected anyone, including Luigi, to be able to save Mario.  Until this game, most of us probably didn't expect it either.  I sure didn't!

Anyway, continuing my sarcastic description of this obnoxious game.  Luigi had to search all of the rooms for keys so he could reach the top of the manor just to discover that the end of his mission awaited him in the basement.  With all that running around in the cold, and the use of the mansion's exercise equipment, Luigi became strong enough to venture into the basement, being careful not to trip over rats or his overly stuffed pockets would empty into the floor.

When Luigi finally reached the room where Mario was trapped inside of a painting, he had to be cautious while collecting gems because if he moved too close to King Boo, the ghost would talk his ear off and say, "What do they feed you, gullible soup?" Not only is that the lamest thing I've ever seen in a video game (and I've played Mario Is Missing!), but you'd think they would eat gullible pasta sauce, not necessarily soup.

Moving on, Luigi had to beat King Boo and a puppet Bowser to save his brother.  No one knows what happened to Mario in captivity that prevented him from saving himself.  But hey, Luigi was long overdue, and now, he is sort of a hero.  What could be next for him?  Super Luigi Moonshine?


End file.
